Some friends recently got married to the chagrin of their parents, their siblings, their friends, and their multiple sets of marriage counselors. This got me to thinking about marriage once more. Marriage and the function of marriage counselors (both ideally and currently). Coincidentally on Labour Day, Johnny T. started asking me about my thoughts on youthful marriages. This furthered my thoughts on the matter, so let's share some of these:

• Youth and Marriage
Johnny T. suggested that youth should not be an adequate hindrance to a couple desiring marriage. Surprising him, I readily agreed. He went further, making the case that there is nothing wrong with a young couple living with family until such time as they can adequately support themselves apart from the family and he would be happy to have his daughter and husband live with him until they learn the ropes of real life (though he admits that his wife has yet to see the strength of his view yet). I thought for a couple beats and then answered that though I had never really considered the idea, it held plenty of merit to me; after all, financial "stability" is not a biblical reason to give marriage pause—just an American one. And more, America only looks down upon a couple who lives with the in-laws at the start because of its arrogant individualist ideology (an emphasis which, I might add, has caused a grave harm against the body of Christ by promoting individual worship over and above corporate worship).

So then, let me propose for consideration that a believing teenage couple who desires to get married should be allowed to marry (and marry with blessings) even if they don't have the wherewithal to "support a family."

1) Such a couple is following the biblical path to marriage over the cultural path, for Scripture dictates that if they burn with passion, they ought to marry—it is only society and its etiquette that declares them mistaken. And far be it from me to dissuade a couple from following the clear statement of Scripture.

2) Financial stability is a myth born of an arrogant and overwealthy society. There are families who exist, and exist happily, on wages equivalent and even less than the minimum wage. Of course the young couple might not be able to afford luxuries like television, steaks, computers, cars, et cetera, but really, what's the point of a luxury if we expect as a necessity to everyday living. Having a car is nice, but I'm living proof that it is not necessary to a happy life. I'm also proof that television is unnecessary. Computers too. Living by oneself is a luxury too. I suppose it's nice to want one's friends and children to have luxuries—but how dare someone quash a marriage on the basis that the couple might not have those luxuries! How dare they?

3) How is a thirty-year-old man better suited to loving his wife as Christ loved the church than an eighteen-year-old? Both are faulty and are flawless displays of just how inadequate a man is for the task of loving his wife. That is one of the beauties of the marriage of believers: God will work between the two who are one and mold them further toward the image of his Son. Is not his grace sufficient for all things? Are not the circumstances of suffering used to make more beautiful the children of the Consuming Fire, refining them and eliminating the dross? How little faith do we display when we doubt the blessing of Christian marriage because circumstances are not ideal in our petty, finite minds!

4) It is because our goals for life and our priorities for "success" have been skewed by the world in which we are strangers that the age or the personalities or the circumstance of believers plays a part in our happiness for, in our blessing of, a Christian marriage. Were we not so greedy, not so materialistic, not so concerned with the wealth of nations, we might be focused on what matters. On Christ. On the heavenly places. On the kingdom of God. On the power of the Gospel in the lives of believers. And on the mutual strength and edification that God plans to work in the lives of two believers.

• Premarital Counseling: As It Is
This brings us to the believing couple who was married recently against all advice. Initially, I thought to myself, "Man, it's too bad that they aren't listening to their counselors. The stubborn sos-and-sos." This was because I was being influenced by the non-believing culture in which we as believers sojourn. I repented and saw things afresh in the light of the Gospel.

The chief error of Christian premarital counseling is that it seeks to prove whether two believers should get married when they have already demonstrated biblical warrant for marriage by wanting marriage. Once a believer asks, "will you marry me?" and receives the answer, "I will," it is not the task of the counselor to dissuade the couple. As I've written in the past, the only biblical demands placed upon believers in the light of prospective marriage are twofold: do not be yoked to an unbeliever and if you feel passionately, get married. Therefore, there is no biblical merit to dissuading a couple who chooses to marry and thereby chooses to quench potential illicit passion.

I've spoken at some length in the past on the problems associated with mandatory and pastoral premarital counseling (in a post that the elders at Westminster OPC loved beyond words), so I don't feel the need to rail so much right now on the subject. But I will say that premarital counseling as a judicial function to determine the potential future health of a marriage is a wrongheaded thing. If both members of the couple are at liberty to marry (that is they are single and free from ex-spousal entanglement as explicated by Paul in Corinthians), there is only one biblical reason to prevent the marriage: if one of the couple is unbelieving. It doesn't matter if they are weak Christians, materialistic Christians, selfish Christians, spiteful Christians, or crass Christians. If they both believe, then they have met the biblical requirement and God will work to their sanctification and glorification through their marriage.

• Premarital Counseling: As It Should Be
Really, the counselors of an engaged couple should see themselves as one thing, and that alone. They are advisors, who through their advice, edify the couple by pointing them to the answer to every problem they will soon face together. They make no judgments. They do not advise the couple to hold off marriage for a while. They do not doubt the marital bond between the couple. They simply point the couple to Christ. They point the couple to the power of the Gospel, the power of the word, the power of grace to build a sanctifying work within their lives. They point to the importance of prayer. Really, they point to the identity of the couple as they stand in Christ, reminding the couple of whose kingdom they belong and of the power, endurance, and goodness of that kingdom—and having done that, they trust that even the reminder will work grace in the couple's life together.

• Additional Thoughts
There is one couple I know who were planning on marrying three months ago. Instead, they now plan to wait four years while they complete their respective educations. I believe this is a mistake. It is positioning the good of the earthly realm above and beyond the good of the heavenly. Paul advises them to marry—for they clearly have the passion he describes—and yet Paul is ignored. His advice (for the benefit of the couple and their mutual enjoyment of the heavenly kingdom) has been set aside in order that the couple might pursue the demands of society. I'm saddened and embarrassed for the decision. Occasionally I'll agree with their decision, but that is only when I'm once more not focused upon what matters.

2:48 PM 11 fruitless beatings